Let's Get Negative, But Stay Real

I'm a little disgusted with the Democratic party, after reading this article from CNN. Apparently the Dems are attacking each other for being too negative, which would be fine and dandy - a valid criticism - if said negativity were limited to the slinging of irrelevant mud. But this really, really bothers me: Clinton, complaining about one of Obama's "negative" ads, said,

I just heard that my opponent has put out an ad attacking my health care plan...

Wait a minute, isn't that what they're supposed to be attacking, criticizing, and debating? How can we, the voters, possibly make an educated choice about a candidate if an attack on one of the most relevant issues of this election is viewed as taboo "negative campaigning?"

Take your 5-Year Plan And...

You can try to control your life, and plan it out as meticulously as you do a Power Point presentation, or you can simply let life present itself to you, and you make the decisions as they come.

I ran across those words this morning, and it struck me that we're conditioned to believe that planning is better, in spite of the fact that plans inevitably go awry, and Plan A becomes Plan B becomes Plan C. Result? We feel like we failed because life steered us away from Plan A.

I've never been one for 5-year plans. I sometimes make 2-year plans, but even those end up being rearranged quite a bit. Two years ago, I thought I'd have a lot more freelance work coming my way, by now, than I actually do. My two-year plan said that if I wasn't making a good salary by now, I'd go back to a "regular" job. According to that plan, I have failed. But it doesn't make any sense at all to throw in the towel. I've learned a lot, and am still learning. I'm more hire-able than I was, in fields I'm interested in. I'm a better artist, a better programmer, and (I think) a better friend than I was. I know more people. I've seen and done more. My bank account is still in the black.

How, by any definition, can that be considered failure? If anything, it is the plan that failed.

Goals are helpful. Plans, not so much. I have goals to learn ActionScript, enjoy life, not go broke, and most recently, learn to play the cello. Two years ago, I'd have said that ActionScript would be a waste of time, because people don't like plugins and Flash isn't search-engine friendly. I hadn't even imagined that I'd want to play the cello, nor that I could live comfortably on less than $20,000 a year.

Everything changes.

What's around the corner? Who knows! Do I want to pour time and energy into plans that no longer apply, when circumstances change? Absolutely not. I'd much rather just make my decisions as they come, with a rational long-term view in mind. Goals like don't go broke, keep learning, get to know people - those will help in any situation. Today, I'll solve today's problems, and make today's decisions.

Sufficient unto today is the evil thereof.

The One Thing Everybody Wants

We all want to be happy.

I'd read this, but it didn't really sink in until Saturday evening. There's a woman, in a group I was playing a game with, who I really don't like much. I won't go into why - there are a number of reasons, some petty, some not. As I was lying in bed that night, falling asleep, I realized something:

She just wants to be happy. That's all she's trying to do.

Suddenly, I couldn't dislike her anymore. Her ways of pursuing happiness may not be effective for her - they certainly wouldn't be effective for me - but it doesn't change what they are. I'm not condoning meanness or cruelty, just recognizing that each of us is different. We each learn that different types of actions bring different types of rewards, and sometimes even if those beliefs no longer hold true, we cling to them. We're all just doing our best.

I challenge you to try thinking of someone you dislike, and re-framing their actions as their own pursuit of happiness. I'd love to hear what happens.

What You Want, You Already Have

I hit a pretty low spot this weekend, both personally (my relationship with myself and the universe) and in my relationship with the man I'm seeing ("boyfriend" sounds so sixth-grade). That darkness had me seeking out ways to retreat, to find wholeness again, and I came across the website of a local monastery. I'm not Christian, never mind Catholic, but feeling lost, this way of life appealed to me, and I woke up this morning and decided to spend some time before breakfast with a Buddhist book I've been meaning to read, and some time for contemplation and meditation.

I was not disappointed.

I feel better than I have in a long time, and realized a few important things that I'd forgotten.

What I wanted, I had. I just couldn't see it because I was looking so hard. In my relentless pursuit of more "together" time, to try to feel more connected, I prevented the very thing I was seeking from happening. He, too, had needed some personal space, but had been trying to give me what I wanted, and neglected himself. So neither of us had anything to give the other, but we kept on doggedly trying. My relationship with a lesser man would have ended this weekend. I'm glad this one didn't.

I need daily meditations. Even though I'm not religious, a spiritual discipline (taking time to reflect and learn from various philosophical and religious teachings) has always made me feel grounded and centered. It gives me a reason to be healthy, to work, to live. When I ignore this part of my life for too long, I start to feel lost in the universe. Now I feel found again.

So I think I'll adopt "morning prayers" (prayer, meditation, reading, etc) as part of my daily routine. I feel a peace and clarity today that I know will only grow over time.