What You Want, You Already Have

I hit a pretty low spot this weekend, both personally (my relationship with myself and the universe) and in my relationship with the man I'm seeing ("boyfriend" sounds so sixth-grade). That darkness had me seeking out ways to retreat, to find wholeness again, and I came across the website of a local monastery. I'm not Christian, never mind Catholic, but feeling lost, this way of life appealed to me, and I woke up this morning and decided to spend some time before breakfast with a Buddhist book I've been meaning to read, and some time for contemplation and meditation.

I was not disappointed.

I feel better than I have in a long time, and realized a few important things that I'd forgotten.

What I wanted, I had. I just couldn't see it because I was looking so hard. In my relentless pursuit of more "together" time, to try to feel more connected, I prevented the very thing I was seeking from happening. He, too, had needed some personal space, but had been trying to give me what I wanted, and neglected himself. So neither of us had anything to give the other, but we kept on doggedly trying. My relationship with a lesser man would have ended this weekend. I'm glad this one didn't.

I need daily meditations. Even though I'm not religious, a spiritual discipline (taking time to reflect and learn from various philosophical and religious teachings) has always made me feel grounded and centered. It gives me a reason to be healthy, to work, to live. When I ignore this part of my life for too long, I start to feel lost in the universe. Now I feel found again.

So I think I'll adopt "morning prayers" (prayer, meditation, reading, etc) as part of my daily routine. I feel a peace and clarity today that I know will only grow over time.

Music As Your Morning Muse

I like to put on a CD (yes, I still use them) in the morning while I'm having breakfast and coffee. It is, surprisingly, a difficult habit to get into, for one so pleasant. I mean, what better way to wake up than with something that makes your heart smile?

This morning's selection is The Indigo Girls, which harks back to my college days. Sometimes I listen to Bach, sometimes Billy Joel, sometimes Paul Simon - there's quite a long list. But I always choose something easy on my not-quite-awake ears that will also help set a positive tone for my day. Somehow, I always seem to take what I need from whatever I'm listening to.

This morning's theme seems to be "seize the day." Life is too short to live halfway or give less than your best and most sincere self.

So I'm "Not content to bow and bend to the whims of culture, that swoop like vultures," and I'm reminded that "Nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal, as specks of dust, we're universal."

Today is the day.

Make it a great one.

Slow Mornings

Alarm buzzing. Snooze. Groan. Snooze some more. Quick shower, iron the clothes, juggle kids if you have them. Scarf down your cold breakfast, or skip it altogether. Pay $4 for a grande latte or trans-fat-death-bomb biscuit from a drive-through on your way to work.

No wonder we don't want to wake up in the morning!

My mornings used to be something like that. I'd get up at the latest possible moment that would allow me to get to work on time. Now they're something like this:

Wake up naturally, just before sunrise. Get myself presentable at a relaxed pace. Hear the comforting burble and enticing aroma from my programmed coffee maker. Take the dog outside, and take a moment to breathe the fresh morning air, feel the world waking up. Enjoy the contrast between my hot coffee and the cool morning air. Make a real breakfast, then write this over my second cup of coffee, before I start my work day.

Second Cup is a place for my morning musings and thoughts on a slower, simpler life. A life where time is allowed for savoring the small things. For suburban simplicity, and bowing out of the rat race without bowing out of life.

Enjoy. Make today a great day.