Thursday, February 14, 2008

Love is Not a Feeling

I read that somewhere, once, though I'm not sure where.

What is love, then? Love is perinneal and enduring. Feelings are fleeting and can change in a moment. If you're in a relationship, and your feelings for your "love" change because your needs are not being met, do you really love that person? I'm not advocating staying in a relationship where you're unhappy - sometimes you can love someone but know that staying with them would mean sacrificing your own happiness, which brings up another question:

Does love have anything to do with happiness?

I don't know.

But here's what I do know. I have friends who I love regardless of how often they call, or how often we see each other. My happiness in our friendship has nothing to do with how much time we spend together. But in dating relationships, our hormones go nuts, we "fall in love" (a feeling), but it's a selfish love that fades when the object of our love doesn't give us the attention we want, or what we think we should receive.

True love is unconditional, and is only one part of what's needed for a good relationship. My mom once confided to me, "I'm very glad I fell in love with a man I can live with, and that I can live with the man I love."

And that's what I wish for, for all of us, on Valentine's Day.